Right, okay, now just imagine this one, right
Posted Under: Writing
You go far into the future. Many thousands of years into the future. You find yourself among a race of humanoid creatures not overly dissimilar to how we are today, who live in a world barren of obvious habitations and urban areas. A world which stretches off into the distance completely devoid of any signs of concentrated human life. You find one of these humanoids and explain to them your situation. After the reasonable period of confusion and subsequent amazement and interrogation has passed, a thought occurs to you. You ask one of them whether they have ever heard of Coca-Cola. They shake their head and look nonplussed. You ask them about McDonalds. About Pepsi. Again, nothing.
This is amazing. You have outlived seemingly immovable, impenetrable, omnipresent bedrocks of the society you were born into*. Admittedly, you cheated some. You haven’t been a constant feature in the timeline they inhabited, but even so, you were there when they were, and now you are here after they have fallen. This raises so many other questions. How did they fall? When? Where? What has replaced them? But you know none of these can be answered now. There will be plenty of time for research later, since your time machine seems to be a little on the dented side, and you have to get that fixed before you can return. For now, though, you have one more question. “Okay, how about this one?” you say.
“Jesus Christ. Ever heard of him?” There’s a pause, and the people turn to each other. They begin to smile. Then laugh. “Why?” One of them asks. “Who was he?”
“Do you know him then?” You ask**.
“We didn’t know he was a real person. It’s just something you say, isn’t it? Like; ‘Oh, Jesus Christ, not again’, right?”
You tell them you’ll explain later. For now, you’re rather dumbstruck by how interesting this all is. Gosh, it’s interesting.
==========
Time passes, once again at the now rather staid and tedious rate of sixty seconds per minute, and you fix your time machine in a matter of weeks. You learn a lot about this new society, and they learn a lot about you (“You grew up without the Internet? NO WAY.”). Eventually it is time to go home.
But you overshoot, don’t you? You silly little creature, you forgot to fix the dial, and it’s all wonky and you put the numbers in the wrong order, because while you were trying to fix it, a future-woman was telling you something simply fascinating about sentient dishcloths, and now you find yourself in the past, in a long-forgotten society before pens and paper, when the natives worship an omniscient being they call Gordon Bennett.
Tom
*and at this point I apologise to people who fall upward of my target 16-25 demographic, to whom this may not apply.
**I know putting direct speech into your mouth is a tad presumptuous, and not least a little bit insulting to your imagination, which I’m sure could do perfectly well on its own from herein, but… oh, just humour me.
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(I feel as though I should comment to inform you that I am indeed reading these and do love them [that's what commenting is for, right?] but I can't come up with anything deeper than 'I could totally see that happening'. So I'll just leave it at that I guess
You should write one of these everyday in 2010. Then compile them all into a book titled, “Alternate Cultural Musings of Tom Milsom”
Bestseller for sure.
I recognize Jesus Christ as my society's dominant omniscient being but he has had other names in past civilizations so Gordon Bennett may just be another. Maybe someone was time traveling and stubbed their toe to exclaim “Gordon Bennett!” in front of that particular civilization confusing the poor things dearly. I probably have had a brain lapse, did I sit and have that chat about Jesus Christ with those futuristic fellows? What did they have to say on the matter? Did they know him as Edward Cullen? Maybe they have simply surpassed me in evolution and think beyond my reasoning skills, maybe monotheism is outdated. Maybe I simply couldn't grasp what they were trying to tell me. Interesting no doubt, although maybe. Maybe.
I enjoyed imagining this one more than the last. Both are highly intriguing though.
Thanks Tom.
Do people in your target demographic actually imagine that CocaCola (founded 1892) and Pepsi (founded 1898) are brands that your elders would not consider bedrock? Even the baby among those you listed, McDonald's (founded 1955), is older than your parents. Or is it that you imagine our bedrock brands are Dulcolax, Fixodent, and Viagra?
Bravo. On a weekend when a certain stone plopped into our cultural pond sends thousands to ripple forth tedious, drooling inanities about various aspects of a single fictional character and the demise of the tenth of his eleven incarnations, you choose to invest your imagination in creating an entirely original set of alternative worlds and timelines.
These are fun.
I like thinking about them.
Do you dream this way or is it something you just think about while lying flat on your back looking up at the ceiling?
I agree with Peter below. A writing each day would not only be lovely to read, but would make a great compilation book when it's done.
Splendid, as per usual (:
I'd buy it fo' shizzle
but seriously Tom, consider making a book of these sort of things 
P.S. This one sort of reminds me of Avatar (I went to see the film today, If you haven't seen it, THEN GO SEE IT!!)
I like it. I enjoy the fact that people in the future hold no relevance to Jesus. he's not important to them, and it intrigues me. like he eventually fades out of… fame?, I guess. or recognition. like most people do.
*screams* its teh master!!! everybudy ruuun!!
Just things I think about while lying in bed, yep. My dreams are much stranger.
Don't think I want to go into my dreams too much though. It could get boring.
I'm not sure what I was thinking. I actually presumed McDonald's – which was indeed the one I presumed would cause concern – was created some time in the 80s. Which of course I knew wasn't true, but for some reason forgot. Forgive me.
Well then maybe we should consider it
A short story a day – could be amazingly time-consuming, but I'll do my best to keep you lot entertained.
Forgive me for not knowing that McDonald's did not reach your island nation until 1974.
I often find my mind to be the most creative and in tune with myself in the aftermath of a mental breakdown, alone, in complete silence.
How do you come up with his stuff? I come up with some random stuff, but none of it is as interesting and odd as this.
It's really interesting, the thought that in the future no-one will know who Jesus Christ was. BTW- you should totally make a book of these.
O: This is as awesome as albino cucumbers!
I totally understand!
O: This is as awesome as albino cucumbers!
I totally understand!